


when the rules don't matter (but you do, more than anything)

by fleurdeliser, ohnoktcsk, ThirtySixSaveFiles



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, alternate engine room scene, endgame spoilers, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 17:43:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18554662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleurdeliser/pseuds/fleurdeliser, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohnoktcsk/pseuds/ohnoktcsk, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirtySixSaveFiles/pseuds/ThirtySixSaveFiles
Summary: Akira knows two things: that Akechi Goro is his soulmate, and that Akira is on the wrong. Side. Of. This. Fucking. Wall.





	when the rules don't matter (but you do, more than anything)

“I’ll show you,” Akechi says, voice haggard and shot through with hysteria. “Who I _really_ am.”

Black flames erupt around his feet, and as Crow’s outfit burns away a new persona, horned and jagged and all-too familiar, rears up behind him. _Loki_ , Akechi calls him, and Akira’s hand drifts up to press a spot high on his collarbone. Arsene stirs inside him, restless.

Loki rears back and Arsene comes without even being called, the first time he’s acted on his own since Akira awakened to him, wings coming up to block Loki’s blow. Akira’s acquired personas with stronger attacks but he never feels safer than when he's in Arsene's wings. They don't fail him now; those feathers must be something stronger than steel, because Loki's sword screeches against them, throwing off sparks as it slides down and across.

Akira closes his eyes and swallows hard. This isn't how things are supposed to be. He feels it in his bones.

"Please," he says, but it's too soft to be heard, so he forces himself to raise his voice. "Akechi, please. Let's...can we...I don't want to do this."

The only answer he gets is a scream and another hit against Arsene's wings.

He knows he has to do this. Knows it won't stop just because Akechi is his -

* * *

_Four Months Ago_

Akira constantly touches his soulmark. He traces his fingers over and over the lines; he like to pretend he’s not sort of obsessed with it, likes to pretend it doesn’t matter to him. But he knows the shape of it by heart, sees it in his dreams.

Ann nudges him in the side one day and smiles. “Yeah, me too,” she says.

He starts. He hadn’t even realized he was touching it.

“So,” she says, drawing it out. “Any idea who?”

He wants to say _yes_ , but he doesn't know if that's just wishful thinking, because of what he _wants_. And if he says yes, her next question is going to be, "Well who?" And that would be...hard to explain.

"It's someone here, in Tokyo. I didn’t have it back at home," he says. Which is true.

"Ooooh, someone recent," she says. She slants a glance across the cafe. "Are you sure it's not Ryuji? I mean, my condolences if so, but if he's what makes you happy -"

Akira has to laugh. "He does. You all do. But no, it's not Ryuji. It was...sometime after him. Hard to say, exactly." Also not technically a lie - he remembers exactly coming home the night after the tv station visit and catching something peeking up from the collar of his shirt as he brushed his teeth. He remembers pulling the collar of his shirt down and staring, incredulous, at the blacker-than-ink mark on his chest.

He'd met a lot of people that day, but only one of them stood out.

Still. It's not like he has any _proof_ , not really.

"How's Shiho doing?" he asks. Deflection seems like the best course of action at this point.

Ann lights up. "She's good! Her rehab has been going a lot better lately. I'm so proud of her." 

Akira smiles. "I'm glad, Ann." 

"Me too," she replies. "It will be hard when she leaves, but I know...I know we'll be okay."

"You will," Akira agrees. Ann and Shiho fit together like two puzzle pieces, and distance isn't going to change that.

Honestly, Akira has a hard time not envying her. He has the feeling that if he and his soulmate are two puzzle pieces, the picture they form is pretty fucked up. 

* * *

\- his _soulmate_.Akira doesn’t want to hurt him; but if he doesn't respond, if he stays hidden behind Arsene's wings, Akechi will just focus on the other Phantom Thieves. He can't let that happen.

So he asks Arsene to pull back. Akechi looks crazed, desperate. Akira always knew the Detective Prince was a facade, but he hadn't quite imagined this.

"I don't want to do this," Akira repeats, and Akechi's lip curls, and there's a moment of crystal clarity where Akira realizes that was _exactly_ the wrong thing to say. Because what he means is _I don't want to fight you_ , but what dawns on him in that moment as Loki pulls back that what Akechi is hearing is _I don't want_ you.

And then Loki's sword is coming at him almost faster than thought and there's no more time.

The fight is hard. Harder than any they've had in a long time and every hit he lands on Akechi feels like a failure. He wants to throw up. He wants to cry. He wants to crawl into bed and never get out. He wants to be doing anything but be fighting this person he wants to love.

He wishes Akechi would stop, would let Akira explain. He supposes it's appropriate that he gets the blow that finally brings Akechi to his knees.

He’s frozen in place while the others tell Akechi he’s special. Tell him he matters. His voice sticks in his throat as Ann invites Akechi to come back with them, to settle matters. There are so many things he wants to say, they’re all crowding in his throat, choking him.

“...you all are truly beyond my comprehension,” Akechi mutters, right as a shadow falls over him.

The words in Akira’s throat turn to ash as - as _another_ Akechi strolls out of the darkness. This must be Shido’s cognition; and indeed the double raises his gun and points it at Akechi’s face. Akira can barely hear him over the rushing in his ears, until one phrase rings loud and clear:

“You know what?” Cognitive Akechi says. “I’ll let someone volunteer to take his place.”

The rest of his words fade again as Akira looks at the figure of the boy who is his soulmate kneeling injured on the metal floor. He’s about to step forward, to volunteer, anything, when Akechi straightens up and points his gun at Akira once again.

"No," he says very clearly, and Akira's not sure who he's talking to. "I won't let you."

Then he says, "not for me," and Akira knows the words are meant for him and he starts forward -

* * *

_One Month Ago_

The first time the Phantom Thieves enter Sae’s palace with Akechi, the first time Crow confronts a Shadow, Akira holds his breath. The mark settled above Shiho’s heart is abstract, but recognizably Carmen. It’s not out of the realm of possibility for his soulmark to be a persona. The timing would be right…

But no. Crow calls up Robin Hood, blocky and solid and nothing like the sharp, angular shape inked over Akira’s collarbone.

And that’s...disappointing, far more disappointing than he’d really been prepared for. It should be a relief, really, given what he knows about Akechi, and Akechi’s plans for him.

It’s not.

But maybe, Akira thinks as they make their way up the casino - maybe it doesn’t _matter_. So his soulmate is off somewhere in the wilds of Tokyo. He’s not going to off chasing after them. Not when the people he cares about are right in front of him.

 _Including_ Akechi. Despite everything.

It’s a cold kind of comfort, but it’s a comfort nonetheless, and he clings to it right up to the moment Crow’s outfit tears away in flames.

* * *

\- but the bullet is already whizzing past his ear and there's the sound of glass breaking and he nearly runs face first into the bulkhead that slams up against the ceiling.

"No," he breathes, putting his hands up. The bulkhead is cold and utterly unyielding. "No!" 

He slams his fist against the bulkhead as the cries of alarm go up behind him. This is - this is all happening too fast. He's going to scream, he's going to cry, he's going to throw up, he's going to do all three at once - 

Akechi - _Goro's_ voice filters through, a wet, _too_ -wet chuckle, and Akira stops breathing so he can listen better.

"Let's make a deal," Goro says. There's a thump on the other side of the wall and Akira presses his hands against the bulkhead as if he can reach through it, if he just tries hard enough -

"You won't say no, right?" Goro chuckles again, like this is at _all_ funny, like anything about this is remotely okay.

"Don't do this," Akira says, blinking back wetness and swallowing past the strain in his throat. He leans his forehead against the bulkhead wall. "Goro. Please."

"I knew all along, you know," Goro rasps and Akira's hands curl into fists. "What you were to me. I told myself it didn't matter, but it turns out it does. Turns out I can't let myself make the same mistake twice. Funny, isn't it?"

" _No_." It's more of a sob than a scream and the tears are running freely now but it doesn't matter, _nothing_ matters except that he's on the wrong side of this wall.

"So here's my deal for you: you live. You move past my mistakes and you _live_ , Akira, and I'll -" Goro clears his throat. "I'll take out the trash. As it were."

"No," Akira says. "I can't...I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so fucking much, you can't just leave me. I won't let you." 

"I don't think you'll have a choice, Akira," Goro says and coughs again. "It's fine. It's poetic, really. Please, just promise me."

Akira does scream at that because he _can't_ , he refuses, if he promises that's like saying that this okay, that this is an acceptable end, and there is _nothing_ about this situation that he _accepts_.

He pounds the bulkhead again and it gives under his fist.

His head jerks up.

He hears Mona gasp at his feet but he doesn't look down, he can't look away from the steel that's bending ever so slightly under his fist. He doesn't even dare breathe for fear that he'll break whatever is going on here, and it feels like his mind races ahead while the world slows down.

Mona had said it right at the very beginning, hadn't he? What people think in these palaces becomes true. It's how their model guns become live weapons, how they've moved past impassable barriers. They named themselves the Phantom Thieves, but Shido had put a lot of work into making sure the public believed in them too - for his own ends, but maybe - maybe that doesn't matter here.

Phantoms, after all, can walk through walls.

And that's the other part of it, isn't it - these places are built on desires, on need, and there is nothing Akira has ever desired, has ever _needed_ more in his life than to be on the other side of this wall.

He presses his hands against the bulkhead and they sink in to the wrist and then stop - he ignores the outcry behind him and closes his eyes and concentrates. This is like Mementos, like those impassible doors they keep running into. He needs to believe in this, in his connection with this stubborn, impossible boy, in his absolute refusal to let it end here.

When he thinks about it like that it's almost easy.

He nearly falls face-first onto Goro as the bulkhead practically spits him out the other side. The cognitive double's eyes widen and his hand tightens on the gun and Akira has bought them maybe half a second but that's all he needs.

He throws himself down on his knees, arms wrapping around Goro in his torn, spiky armor and with the last strength in his body he _calls_ -

And Arsene answers, like he always does, wings folding around them, and the double's bullets spang off into the darkness.

"I won't let you die in the bowels of the mind of a man who has done such terrible things to you. I won't let him have you," Akira says fiercely. "You're _mine_ , do you hear me? I'm not letting you go. I refuse." 

He takes a breath and stands, drawing his gun from its holster. The opening in the bulkhead is still there, big enough for the others to get through. He trusts they'll come and crosses over to the double in two strides, shoving his gun under the double’s chin. He's shaking with rage, with terror, with determination.

"I'm coming for your captain and I'm going to rip his heart out. You won't be dying for him today, or ever; you're going to die so the real you can live."

He empties the remainder of his clip into the double, then draws his dagger, flips to the side, and buries it in the head of one of the Shadows as the others pour through the gap.

Arsene still has his wings curled protectively around Goro, but Akira doesn't even think before summoning Uriel alongside him and sending a _megidolaon_ stronger than he's ever cast at the remaining Shadows. They vanish, shredding away in the light as it hits them. 

There's a rush of satisfaction and then pure relief before he sways on his feet. 

He'd already been pretty drained from the fight with Goro. Practically used up. He'd used only physical attacks at the end because his magic was pretty well depleted. He’s just used one of the strongest magical attacks he has.

"Oh," he says, blinking as if that will stop the world swimming in front of his eyes. 

"I, um. I think I might pass out?" He sways again and then the world goes black.

* * *

_Later_

When he wakes again he’s back at Leblanc, in his own bed, and there’s someone sitting at the foot of it.

Goro looks like shit, propped up against the wall with his eyes closed; he looks like he’s had a round of healing magic or two, but Akira knows from experience that even that doesn’t wash away the exhaustion, or the bone-deep ache of muscles pushed past their limits. His hair is flat with sweat, his face paler than usual, and there are deep bags under his eyes.

He’s the best thing Akira’s ever seen.

Akira pushes himself up into a sitting position, and the motion jars Goro awake. He blinks once, twice, and when his gaze settles on Akira his eyes clear.

“You are the most stubborn person I’ve ever met,” he says quietly, and Akira chances a grin.

“It’s a talent,” he says, glancing around the room. “Are the others -”

“Gone home,” Goro says just as quietly. “I...didn’t want to face my apartment alone, and the group was kind enough to let me stay. With a chaperone.” He nods across the room to where Morgana is curled up on the couch. Akira eyes Morgana for a moment, but he appears to be deep asleep, or pretending very well.

Akira draws his knees up and wraps his arms around them. He wants more than anything to reach out, to feel Goro solid and _real_ under his hands - but he doesn’t know how that will be received. Goro is _here_ , which is more that Akira had allowed himself to hope for even a day ago.

The silence stretches long but not uncomfortable between them. Akira breaks it first.

“How long have you known?”

Goro laughs shortly and tips his head back. “Since the television station. I saw Loki’s horns filling in above your shirt; that collar is high, but not high enough. I told myself it was a coincidence, but I knew deep down that was a lie. And then, one day in Mementos -” Goro shifts, sitting up so he can pull his jacket down and roll up his sleeve. High on his arm, almost on the ball of his shoulder, sits the shadow of two black wings bound by a looping chain. “You summoned Arsene, and I knew I couldn’t lie to myself any longer.”

Akira clenches his fists, then forces himself to uncurl his fingers. He swallows against a suddenly dry mouth. “Can I -”

Goro exhales. “Yes.”

Akira shifts up onto his knees, moving slowly as if a sudden movement will spook Goro. From the tense way Goro is holding himself, that might not be far from the truth. He leans forward, tracing his fingertips over the mark, and Goro shudders. Akira looks up, breath catching with concern - but Goro is biting his lip, and the flush high on his cheeks says that what he’s feeling is _not_ pain.

Oh. _Oh._ Akira hadn’t known about this part of it.

He wants to touch the soulmark again, wants to run his lips across it, his tongue, and see what kind of noises Goro will make - but more than that, he needs Goro to _understand_.

“I didn’t mean it,” he says abruptly, because it’s important to him that Goro _hear_ him. “I mean,” he says as Goro’s brows draw down. “I meant - I meant that I didn’t want to fight you. I’ve always wanted you, even before I knew what it meant. What _this_ was,” he clarifies, pulling down the collar of his shirt.

Goro’s eyes go immediately to the mark on Akira’s collarbones. His eyes darken. His hand raises, and Akira’s breath leaves his lungs in a rush as Goro’s fingers settle lightly over the soulmark. Goro’s gaze flicks up to Akira’s as he drags his fingertips over Loki’s outline, and Akira gasps as sensation shoots up his spine.

Much to Akira’s disappointment, Goro pulls his hand back. “This is - this doesn’t have to mean anything,” Goro says, sounding like the words are being dragged from him. He looks away. “I tried to kill you. _Twice_. You’ve been very generous, but I don’t -”

“ _Stop_ ,” Akira says harshly. “I didn’t get it right at the beginning but I meant it at the end; I won’t let _him_ take you from me and I won’t let you talk yourself out of it either, unless -” he swallows. “Unless you don’t want to be here.”

That whips Goro’s head back around, his eyes wide. “Akira,” he breathes, and then his face creases in determination and he shoves at Akira’s shoulders, pushing him flat on his back. When Akira can catch his breath again Goro is looming over him, caging him in with his arms and legs.

“I thought I was going to die,” Goro says flatly. “I had - I had _mostly_ made my peace with it; I was going to die so you could live, and then you _bent reality_ to get to me and you think I don’t _want_ to be here?”

“There is _nowhere_ ,” Goro says fiercely, “I would rather be than where you are. I know I don’t deserve it -” Akira opens his mouth but Goro talks right over him. “- but you seem to be laboring under the misconception that I somehow _could_ , and Akira, I am not a good enough person to not take advantage of that. Of _this_.”

Goro leans down and _bites_ at Akira’s soulmark and Akira gasps, back arching. His arms wrap around Goro’s back, pulling him down until they’re pressed together hip to chest. He swears he can feel Goro’s heart beating behind his ribs, steady and real and _alive_ , and he never, ever wants to give this up.

“I want you here,” he says, clear and distinct so there’s no mistaking his meaning. Goro tries to push himself up but Akira’s arms lock around him and he stills in Akira’s arms. “Even when I thought my soulmate was someone else _you_ were all I wanted. I will walk through walls, I will tell you every day that I want you here if that’s what it takes - just don’t try to pull some sort of noble self-sacrifice and _leave_.”

Goro chuckles weakly and Akira can feel it against his chest. Goro shakes his head. “I supposed it didn’t exactly work for me the first time.” He leans in close, hair falling on either side of Akira’s face.

“Exactly,” Akira breathes, and tips his face up the last few centimeters to bring their lips together.

They’re both exhausted; the kiss is clumsy and uncoordinated but it _sings_ through Akira’s soul, through his soulmark, from the roots of his hair down to his toes. He thinks that Goro can feel it too, from the soft, wondering gasp as they break apart.

“All right,” Goro says, bare centimeters from Akira’s lips. “We’ll try it your way.”

Akira grins, and pulls him back in.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find ThirtySixSaveFiles at [ThirtySixSaveFiles](http://thirtysixsavefiles.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr and [@36SaveFiles](https://twitter.com/36SaveFiles) on Twitter!
> 
> You can find Fleurdeliser at [Fleurdeliser](http://fleurdeliser.tumblr.com//) on Tumblr and [@fleurdeliser](https://twitter.com/fleurdeliser) on Twitter!


End file.
